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| Representing the famous balcony scene from romeo and juliet. 1884 painting by Jose Oscar Garcia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
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| Promotional image (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
I am addressing this blog as a matter of recovery tips for
people who have experienced the loss of love. The loss of love runs the gamut. It
can be the loss of a lover through an unwanted breakup, leaving a lover for
good reason including abuse, or loss of a lover thru death or disability.
The manner of loss matters some to the recovery process. The
loss of a lover as a matter of an unwanted breakup is common. It can be
especially incline us to self doubt. We tie so much of ourselves into those we
truly love that finding ourselves rejected makes us question our overall worth.
For many this is a process of grieving, reevaluating, claiming healthier ways
of having relationships. Even if we are clever enough to avoid the pit falls of
co-decency, no true relationship has depth unless we develop some sometimes
unhealthy attachments.
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| English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
So instead of questioning your self worth celebrate the fact
you will were bold enough to risk it all and engage another in your inner most
self. Know you made a difference in their life journey. You were a lesson
learned. It may hurt like hell, but when you unconditionally love someone the
giving of yourself should never be regretted.
When we leave a relationship because we are abused or we she
ourselves becoming abusive the pain of leaving is bitter and sweet. There is
the relief that we are doing the healthy thing, but the bitterness of
questioning the legitimacy of the love we were giving and taking. For many
women this is a necessary step to leave, but does it mean the love of was of no
value? All love has positive value in the world even when soiled with abuse.
Again the abused are many times the ones who became ultimately altruistic to
save a love that once one or in hope of loves triumph.
We can only be healthy if we take care of ourselves in the
end. You decision to love in abuse was not wrong, it just was. It stands alone
in reference to your heart and it can coincides with great hated and resentment
of the abuse. Claim both. You will not be consumed by something that is
initially marked by love, if you know the abusive relationship was at least
conceived in love. You ability to forgive and move on may not ever be complete,
but you will not be consumed by an abusive past.
If you were the abuser and you left congratulate yourself.
You let your love of the person over come your tendency to the dysfunctional
dance of abuse. You have hope of change and you gave the greatest gift of all
to your partner. You gave them a safer place to be in the world they did not
have the courage to give themselves.
Loss of love due to death or disability is in a way easier
for couples to deal with. We can mourn the loss of the essential self of a
lover to mental decline in old age knowing that the person exists in the mind
and the body is but the vessel. Spirit is beyond dementia, and in some place in
the behind blank eyes the truth of their love for us lives.
Loss of physical love due to disability can be dealt with.
To wholly love someone we adore their intellect and humor. Sex is mostly a
brain thing as we age. We get there because we remember the smooth skin of our
lover’s youth.
Death is ultimate and many who have been together for many
years seek to not try because the essential selves is so wrapped up with that
of the lost lover. Still, if we have youth and obligations we need to find a
way forward. Most will find a way forward when they realize their pain is their
pain, and not the pain of the one who passed. The one who passed is not longer
in pain. In the spirit of truth to our passed love, it is better to celebrate
their escape from pain , then to mourn our own selfish loss forever.
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